Written by Irene Zheng
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…” The lyrics in the gym grow louder as every girl on her full speed treadmill gasps for the calories to fall away. Running another hour can’t kill me! Yes. Skipping another meal can’t kill me! Right. Taking another laxative can’t kill me! Exactly. Weight to go, girls!
You might once in your life have heard the phrase “Keep running until the end,” but have you ever wondered: the end of what? College graduation—earn a degree and find a job in this worldwide pandemic: sounds difficult. Career—get a salary and enjoy life after retirement: sounds boring. Life—finish the 1-week run and starve for another week: sounds wonder-full!
I don’t know about others, but I’m pretty sure most girls would choose the third option. We enjoy being stuck in the cycle between starving and exercising, tempted by promising headlines:
“Have a pair of skinny legs in 7 days.” I can totally do this!
“Eat these foods and regret your whole life.” Mom, I’m not eating carbs and fats anymore!
“Buy 1 get 1 free – you are the only one boys see.” Bon(y)nie, my friend, let’s share it together!
Behind the checkout counters and mobile screens, the beauty and weight loss companies are laughing hysterically. They hug the endless money tightly in their arms, waiting for any chance to build another cemetery and bury these dead branches in return for bigger and heavier trees.
A recently bankrupted beauty company has already used up its money for building thousands of cemeteries around the world.
Girls look up to the models in this company, so they fast more than Muslims, exercise more than Olympic athletes, and take laxatives more than drug abusers. When all of these don’t work, they have other places to go to.
Medifast, a popular diet program, claims to help girls lose 11 pounds over 8 weeks. It restricts more than half of the calories that a teenage girl needs every day (2200 calories on average).
“Fasting helps girls lose weight fast,” George Sllowin, the chief of the company said sluggishly. As a result, girls are st-arve-iciously investing money in this company to help it compete with other cemetery-building companies.
Still not working? There’s more!
Advocare is another popular weight loss program that can help girls lose over 20 pounds in only 24 days. The diet starts off with a 10 day cleanse using an herbal detoxifying supplement, fiber, and omega supplements. For the next 14 days, meal replacement shakes cut out calories drug-matically. “We just want to take care of our girls and help them maintain a hell-thy weight,” Karen Craig, one of the employees in the company stated.
Among all of these options, there must be one that girls find helpful and fan-death-tic. So they keep running and starving until they realize that they are at the end of the cliff. They reach the edge and look down, and all they see are the beautiful and skinny models, luring them to join.
Before they make their decisions, they turn back and go to the last person that they want to see, not their parents or friends, but the beauty and weight loss companies. The first thing they say is not farewell or an apology, but an appreciation (to the companies). The first thing they give is not gifts or letters (to the loved ones), but the pictures that they want to put on their graves—their favorite models. The companies smile, accept the pictures, and wish them good luck.
“I promise to give you the best funeral in your life.”
With the promise and blessing, they sprint to the cliff and jump off.
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